By The Rev. Dr. Carl Grosse

You know what Jesus answered when He was asked which of the commandments is the greatest. “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and the second is similar: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the other commandments and the prophets hinge on these.” I suggest looking up the references for both quotes, but let’s focus on the second one from Leviticus 19:18. 

Ever since the centennial celebration, and particularly at funerals, I’ve met people who used to come here. All of them have individual stories about their reasons for leaving; that being said, a recurring theme is some tension that grew into a dispute or offensive exchange. People said things they shouldn’t have. In listening to these former FCPC-ers, I pick up on how fresh the hurt still is, and how sad they are about the collateral relationship damage. At the very least, I hope that giving them a listening ear might be helpful.

In many of these stories, it seems the tolerance for human frailty is a little low, at times close to zero. I wonder if certain conditions or predispositions might have affected the situations. Maybe someone was having a bad day when they read the unfortunate Facebook post. Maybe the specific point of the offensive remark touched a more sensitive nerve. Maybe one person had built up a dislike for the other and a particular exchange became the last straw. 

Our current culture leaves us more vulnerable to this low tolerance. We can ghost people, write them off, shake the dust off our feet, and such anti-social responses to the slightest distaste are normalized. We also hear and see more nasty behavior, a preference for grudges and vengeance and fighting back, verbally and otherwise. The passage from Leviticus calls this out and enjoins God’s people to pursue an alternative.

Early in my career, I participated in a presbytery-sponsored coaching weekend by Roy Oswald of the Alban Institute. During a session on stress management, among the useful takeaways for me was the idea that we can increase our capacity to handle stress. It’s not always the right option, but it’s one I had not considered. Holding grudges increases both the severity and the persistence of stress. Forgiving others decreases stress. Escalating differences increases stress, dialing down a heated interaction decreases it. The ways Jesus instructed us to treat enemies and friends who offend us is not just good religion, it’s plain good.

Try to practice conversation and behavior that follows those instructions. If you offend someone, admit it and ask forgiveness. When – not if – others stumble and say dumb things, draw from that unlimited grace God shows you. Don’t take it personally, even if it is personal. Definitely let go of any grudges, they’re just parasites that suck the life out of you. Instead, stay on track with the One who commanded us to love one another.